she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
