Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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