You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card