Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.