is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.