You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.