how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.