on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
