Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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