theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
