would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
