So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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