My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
