All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
