If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
