Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my sisters under your porch take her home
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
