well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
