you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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