Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
