just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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