I cannot find my penis.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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