just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
