highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they're like a gay fantastic four
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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