what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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