I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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