so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
