Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
