Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
