yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
