I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
