I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
