If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
