I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
