If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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