I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just tell him i said nine months
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
