your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
