We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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