I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize