Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
