Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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