Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
this hospital has no fireball
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
