3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
