She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
