what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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