I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
