Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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