dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize