Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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