i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
