Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
