WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
