OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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