She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
