I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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