We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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