a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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