I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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