I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
