also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
