U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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