i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
