Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
