I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
