is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
