Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
